Letβs get into it, babes β because Episode 7 of Season 2 of The Valley was messy, performative, and somehow I enjoyed it. I know, if you’ve read my other recaps you’d of thought I checked out.
π Jasmine Still Isnβt Over Itβ¦ But What Is She After?
We open with Jasmine, still clinging to the emotional hangover from Dannyβs drunk Halloween moment. While driving to LAX with Zack (who, letβs be honest, is giving βFriend Ofβ energy at best), she admits she hasnβt moved past Dannyβs behavior, even after his apology. At this point, Iβm asking: what does she actually want? Blood? A handwritten essay?
And while weβre here, Zack might have a new man and a new title (βofficialβ), but nothing about his scenes feels natural. His digs about Benjiβs ex-husband come off more forced than flirty, IMO.
π₯Έ Jasonβs Hypocrisy Tour
Later, weβre treated to the burger bro-down between Jason, Danny, and Luke. Jason decides this is the perfect moment to stage an surprise intervention about Dannyβs tequila pantry moment. Didnβt Jason just say last week that it wasnβt a big deal? Now heβs quoting Janet level drama lines about βbigger things going on.β
Janet, girl, if youβre behind this storyline, blink twice. Because Jasonβs moral high ground is looking more shifty than usual.
Jason trying to say Danny βchuggedβ instead of βswiggedβ like itβs a felony-level difference had me yelling. Meanwhile, theyβre surrounded by a group who drinks like theyβre sponsored by White Claw. Make it make sense!
π Kristen Comes for Jason
Enter Kristen, with her signature commentary. Over brunch with Luke, she drops the now viral gem: Jason shouldnβt judge anyoneβs relationship when he allegedly takes off his wedding ring during nights out.
Girl, shots fired, and apparently Zack is her source. Yes, the same Zack whoβs giving βNarrator of Other Peopleβs Dramaβ more than anything else.
π¦ Brittanyβs Shark Party / Feeding Frenzy
Brittany Cartwright hosts a shark-themed bash, and honestly, it was more about the people circling each other than the decor. Jason shows up trying to clear the air with Danny, and Niaβs over here feeling targeted by Janet. But the real chaos kicks off when Kristenβs comments about Jason spread through the party like wildfire.
Jason, in full deflection mode, jokes that heβs not a βracist Republicanβ or the βZodiac Killer.β Umβ¦ okay?
Then comes the moment: Jason swears he just forgot his wedding ring at home. Sure, Jan. Lines are drawn… the Capernas are officially on one side, and Kristen is on the other.
πΈ Please Stop Trying to Make VPR Happen (Again)
Elsewhere, Bravo tries to inject life into The Valley with cameos from Lala, Scheana, and Brock (aka the Vanderpump has-beens). Lala confronts Jesse about Santa Barbara drama she wasnβt even present for, and Scheana shows up like sheβs got a season regular contract to earn. Enough already, please!
Also, Brittany and Jasmine meet with Tom Schwartz, who tries to give insight into Jaxβs βgrowth.β Spoiler: Brittany reveals Jax hasnβt paid the mortgage in months. Soβ¦ howβs that rehab glow-up going?
This cast can hold its own. These cameos wreak of desperation.
π¬ Final Thoughts
Dannyβs apology tour continues, but the rest of the cast needs to figure out their storylines. Jasonβs moral policing is hypocritical, Jasmine and Zack are trying too hard, and the cameos? Just stop. Kristen might be messy, but at least sheβs real.
Catch you next week luvs! Let me know what you’re thinking about The Valley Season 2, Episode 7 below…we’re halfway through this season.
– Lexi π
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19 Responses
Jasmine carrying on like she was assaulted is crazy. If one of my friends husbands did that to me I would have laughed and probably never given it another thought. We have all done stupid stuff drunk and itβs a desperate attempt for a story line, nothing more. I lived Jason until he had that conversation with Danny over lunch and I lost all respect from him and saw what he is capable of doing. Janet is a try hard fan trying to be the shows villain. Itβs not working and she is just looking like a horrible friend who will throw anyone under the bus for fame. Michelle is just awful and nobody ever believed she was a hooker so stop carrying on like itβs some big deal. When they were talking at the winery she flung an insult to Jesse and he flung one back. She was deliberately trying to get a reaction and when she did she cried and expected people to feel sorry for her. I donβt think she is happy either, happy people donβt need to tell all their friends they are happy. She is always crying so she ainβt happy. Brittany say she puts her life out there and she is an open book. Umm not really because Jax always blabbed about their lives and she just went into damage control mode. I donβt remember her actually putting her own experiences out there. Loving Kristen which shocked the heck out is me because I loathed her on VPR. I feel so sad for Danny and Nia as it appears that Janet is doing a rhobh by deciding to target someone prior to filming and try to have them quit or be fired. Itβs mean girl high school bullying and false accusations that can be harmful to reputations. Itβs slander. I hope she goes too far and gets herself fired. Having said that Nia has Kristen and whilst she has chilled since being with Luke Im sure the VPR Kristen is still there somewhere and Janet just may be shown how itβs really done.
π― also Lala & Scheana had their time in vpr, we donβt need them on the valley.
Leave Danny & Nia alone, they literally donβt bother anyone. Danny can drink how much he likes, they were all child free.
I think itβs gross that Brittany keeps talking about jax (I ainβt a fan of him) but find some where to talk were your son canβt hear you. He might be autistic but he still takes everything in thats being said.
Michelle & Jesse π€―π€―π€―
How many times does Danny need to apologise to jasmine??
Jax is a horrible human being but Brittany isnβt much better. Sheβs dragging Danny for being drunk after we watched her last year vomiting in the driveway. The conversation with her mother and Kristen where she airs all the dirty laundry about Jax while Cruz is right there was disgusting. Itβs the second time sheβs done it and although heβs non verbal he hears every word. Sheβs only marginally better than Jax
Lala and Scheana seemed like a forced placement with nothing to add. Schwartz seemed to fit in, and talked like he is part of it and not awkwardly inserted.
Forced to the max
I don’t want to see Jax on my tv
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The only thing remotely interesting about The Valley is Lala and Scheana cameo appearance πππβ°π«π π’π«π₯
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I also agree π―
PLEASE make it stop! He continues to abuse Brittany, and then whine about her and “she is living in a mansion”. Sure didn’t look anything like a mansion to me compared to the house you had THE MOTHER OF YOUR CHILD AND YOUR CHILD leave. He will continue to try to torture her. I think she had the right idea, restraining order!
Weβre all with u
The only good thing about this season is giving every viewer a small taste of what it truly means to live with or divorce a narcissist and this show has 2 clear narcissists.
By the way, when Jax said there are only 2 types of narcs, there are 9.
I know 10 types at least
Kristen hypocritical remember tom sandvol Jason stop pick battle wife Janet ugh
I like Jason and Danny Lala Nia
π₯±πβ³ [boring, dull, monotonous, tedious, repetitive, dragging and unstimulating]
π₯π
Yes! π You π Are π On π Point!