The Real Housewives of London Season 1, Episode 1 – “Welcome to London, Hope You Brought Armour” – A glamourous cocktail party turns icy as buried feuds bubble to the surface.
Well, it’s finally happening – the Housewives in my home city have arrived! Born in London, and as someone who enjoys the escapism (and drama!) of RHOBH and RHOM, I wasn’t sure if we’d ever get our own version over this side of the pond. But here we are, trading in constant sunshine and infinity pools, for posh neighbourhoods. Harrods shopping sprees and a horse or two in Hyde Park! And let me tell you, episode one was a proper ride.
👸 Meet the Housewives
First up, Amanda Cronin (born in London and previously married to Mark Daeche, a serial entrepreneur, and dated 1980’s Wham band member Andrew Ridgeley between 2021-2023). Amanda introduces herself from a Bentley alongside her poodle, Monty (full name, ‘Monty True Madness’), whilst driving around only the poshest parts of London and assuring us she’s “a very private person.” She has created and continues to promote her own ‘Amanda Caroline Beauty’ products.
Juliet Angus (born in Chicago and married to Gregor Angus, businessman and co-founder / CEO of ABM Communication). Juliet comes across as polished and ambitious, the kind of woman who’s clearly used to being in the right place at the right time. She’s charming and composed in public, but Panthea already hints that not everyone finds her entirely trustworthy. It will be interesting to see how that works out in future episodes!
Juliet Mayhew (born in Australia and married to Anthony Mayhew, aka ‘Tiggy’, a seasoned hedge fund manager). A former beauty queen who now works as a creative producer and event planner, specialising in immersive events for elite clients. Previously a friend of Panthea, until their mutual dentist friend’s actions created a rift between them both. All kicks off later on in this first episode! See #TeethGate below!!
Then we’ve got Karen Loderick-Peace (born in Jamaica and married to former West Bromwich Albion Football Club chairman, Jeremy Peace),. A fashion designer and businesswoman, who seems the most calm and friendly housewife of them all so far. She wins the evening with her tagline: “I may be from the Commonwealth, but there’s nothing common about me.”. Honestly, give her a crown already!
Nessie Welschinger (born in London and married to Remy Welschinger, the founder and managing director of Limehouse Capital, an investment holding company). Nessie runs a cake company that supplies royalty and created the late Queen Elizabeth II’s 90th Birthday cake. As well as fabulous cakes, she’s also dishing out shade by describing Amanda as “Snow White, but with seven personal assistants instead of dwarves.”
Panthea Parker (born in Iran and married to Ed Parker, a top London lawyer), casually drops that she once spent £140,000 in Harrods! Not your usually weekly ‘big shop’ at Tesco! Sorry, Waitrose, darling!! She looks like the happy-go-lucky fun one you’d invite to parties, someone who really adds fizz to the Champagne, but truly pops her cork when she is reunited with friend-now-enemy, Juliet Mayhew, at Amanda’s party towards the end of the episode! Again, more on #TeethGate below.
💂♂️London Life, Housewives Style
The episode is heavy on lifestyle porn. Luxury homes which are enormous, wardrobes are bigger than many flats. Plus there’s a whole sequence of horse riding in Hyde Park. The homes are super fabulous, of course, with locations in North London, Chelsea and Belgravia. The children and pets are adorable, and the housekeepers, staff and assistants often look confused or bemused!
From this bright, glossy premiere episode, it looks like it almost never rains in London! Karen is currently in the middle of a family home renovation where they’ve already spent £4.5 million. But there’s a lot more to be done. Panthea boasts about being tired but not working. Whilst Amanda is all about designer handbags and shoes, with a home in a mews.
Between the talk of designer facials for dogs and the champagne-fuelled socialising, it’s clear that the standard of living here is, well… elevated. With just the right amount of cheeky and charming!
🦷 Teeth Gate
Towards the end of the episode, we see Amanda host a party for International Women’s Day (which is also a good opportunity for her to promote her beauty brand!) at her fabulous mews house. This is where we see the Housewives meet together as a group for the first time.
Everyone is all air kisses and ‘sweetie, darling!’ (remember BBC’s ‘Absolutely Fabulous’?), until the first serving of drama arrives in the form of Teeth Gate. Panthea is furious because her son’s dentist – who also happens to be a mutual friend of Juliet M – refused to fix his braces and instead left him with a mouthful of fillings instead! Juliet M took the dentist’s side instead of Panthea’s side during the whole fiasco. And ever since, Juliet M has apparently been “fake at every soiree.”
As Juliet M greets a fashionably late Panthea with “Long time no see, hello beautiful, you look amazing, you look gorgeous”, Panthea can’t contain herself any longer. As the bottled up anger of Teeth Gate overflows, and Panthea snaps back, “You look beautiful, you don’t need to be too fake, it’s fine, you know!” at Juliet M, in front of the other Housewives.
Confusion follows, followed by an argument, where Panthea moves swiftly yet randomly on to the subject that Juliet M borrows clothes! How dare she even suggest such a thing, as if Juliet M can’t afford to buy her own designer wardrobe!! Nessie sticks up for Juliet M, whilst the other Housewives want to hear the details about this Teeth Gate fallout. Amanda begins to move away, as she desperately tries to escape from the escalating drama. She announces “We’re going to mingle. We’re going to move on from this. Come on, Karen.” whilst you also hear an offer of “Caviar anyone?”
It’s petty, it’s oddly specific, and it’s exactly the kind of domestic London drama that makes Housewives addictive. It only takes a dentist, some unwanted fillings, and suddenly friendships are on the rocks. From the preview of episode two at the end of epsiode one, it looks like the drama is set to continue, as other Housewives start getting pulled into the blame game!
🥂 First Impressions and Taglines
Amanda – “I look like a model, but I think like a CEO”
Juliet A – “I’ve lived in every time zone, and I’m still ahead of you.”
Nessie – “They say you can’t have your cake and eat it, I say just watch me.”
Juliet M – “Life’s a stage darling, and I never miss my cue.”
Karen – “I may be from the Commonwealth, but there is nothing common about me.”
Panthea – “As a true Londoner, I don’t just sip the tea, I spill it.”
This premiere episode is more about introducing the women and their lifestyles than full-blown chaos, but the tension is already simmering.
Amanda is trying to establish herself as Queen Bee. Karen dishes out witty one-liners. Panthea is clutching receipts like armour. Nessie is talking cakes and boarding schools. Juliet A is gliding through with poise and ambition. And “Teeth Gate” sets the stage for season-long rivalries and swiftly removes the smile from Juliet M’s face.
Get that umbrella ready, as it looks like there’s going to be a more tea spilt than rain, now that the Real Housewives of London has landed! ☔
– Joanne 👑
12 Responses
This is going to be GOOD.
This might be one of my new fav. housewives shows. Episode 1 got me excited.
🇬🇧🍸💎
🍸✨
RHOLDN 🇬🇧🫖
RHOL 🫖✨🎀
*RHOLDN
Panthea ❤️👑✨
Amanda 👑✨💅
Juliet Angus was crazy on ladies of London! She was so annoying
I watched hot messy topics earlier. Jason, thank you for teaching me what vpn is and how to use it. About to start watching London. now
Hayu is so worth it!