The Real Housewives of London Season 1, Episode 6 – “White Witches and Warm Champagne” – The Henley drama may be behind them – but the fallout is far from over.
Darling, this wasn’t your average park picnic – it was a full-on Wimbledon final, except instead of rackets, the ladies were swinging insults. Champagne in one hand, shade in the other.
🧙♀️ Picnic Blankets & Bewitching Betrayals
Juliet M’s riverside picnic was less “bring a plate” and more Fortnum’s exploded on the lawn – but the real feast in this episode was the gossip. Juliet A, Juliet M, and Nessie escaped from the main table, to another table away from the drama, to pick apart the fallout from Amanda-gate.
“She has crossed a line here,” Juliet A said defiantly, before adding, “She was threatened by me.” The confidence! Juliet M backed her to the hilt, shaking her head: “What Amanda says is not true.”
Then Juliet A turned fairy tale critic:
“She lures people into the gingerbread house and then puts them in the oven.”
Nessie giggled, I would say nervously. Witchy metaphors at a picnic? This was better than the delicious food and drink on offer.
But Juliet A wasn’t done. She grew teary recalling how, during lockdown, Amanda had “no one” and “not even her daughter there.” Juliet A explained how close they’d been back then. Now, those memories curdled into resentment. Nostalgia laced with bitterness – a cocktail only Housewives could serve before pudding.
🎾 Centre Court Chaos on the Picnic Lawn
At the main table, Amanda sat trapped between Karen and Panthea – and the atmosphere was thicker than clotted cream.
Karen leaned in: “Panthea heard it too – the ‘white witch’ comment.” Panthea, cool as a cucumber sandwich, fired back: “Well, I hear people talk about you in Jersey as well.”
Karen’s face froze. Panthea twisted the knife: “You only pop into London. All your friends are on Jersey.” Panthea also adds that Karen moved from Birmingham to Jersey, suggesting again that she isn’t a proper London lady.
Karen snapped: “I moved from London to Jersey – get your facts straight!” Amanda, stuck in the middle, looked like a Wimbledon umpire, eyes darting left and right.
“It’s not the Karen show,” Panthea smirked.
“It’s not the Panthea show!” Karen barked.
Then came the smash shot – Panthea accused Karen of being jealous of her life and marriage. Karen shot back: “How can I be jealous of something I don’t know?” Panthea went lower still: “Why isn’t your husband here like the others? He can’t bear you.”
Karen exploded: “He’s in Birmingham looking after the house, you imbecile!”
Panthea stood up, F-bombs dropped, and Karen’s daughter Thelma rushed over muttering: “She’s literally insufferable.” Karen stormed off, while the husbands observed the drama from the safety of another table, calling it a “surge of excitement.”
Karen raged that Panthea was jealous and bonkers. Panthea called Karen insufferable. Amanda just sat in the middle, silently wishing for a stronger drink.
Ever the hostess, Juliet M tried to move on from the conflict with the sensible offer of tea, coffee, and pudding – whilst reminding the kids not to repeat the colourful language they’d just witnessed. Amanda, meanwhile, sulked at the table scrolling her phone until Nessie came over to play mediator.
“Note to self: never cross Amanda,” Nessie chuckled in confessional. Sensible.
😏 Life After the Picnic
The episode then jumped around the city faster than a black cab in rush hour:
Karen and husband Jeremy dined at Zafferano in Chelsea, where they’re basically royalty. Karen mused on turning fifty: “You walk into age with grace.” Panthea might disagree.
Juliet A introduced us to her husband Gregor, two children, Georgina and Truman, and her two adorable King Charles Spaniel ‘furry children’ – Duke Von Lego and Baroness Bow, naturally – while telling her husband how Amanda gives her PTSD. Gregor teased: “Did you pull her hair?” as well as “You’re going to be best friends with her. I know how this works.”
Amanda entertained a VIP skincare client (minimum spend £1,000, darling) at her mews house, complete with motivational cushions – ‘Keep your heels, head and standards high’ said one. Later, she FaceTimed Karen and called Panthea jealous of Karen’s wealth and branded Juliet A disloyal.
Panthea went to Dr Vikram, a specialist in Women’s Health, with her glam-ma Shala, thinking that he might have the answer to what was causing her recent behaviour. Shala diagnosed her straight away: “Baby, they call it a spoilt brat!” Brutal, but not inaccurate.
🎭 A Sketch-y Brunch and Drama all the way
In Mayfair, some of the ladies meet for brunch under Sketch’s famous pink velvet glow. Panthea swept in first, greeting Juliet M before delivering the opener of the day: “You look fabulous – is it borrowed?” Only on this show could an insult land like a compliment. Luckily, both laughed!
Nessie soon joined the table, followed by Juliet A, who wasted no time steering the conversation straight back to Amanda. Juliet A swore blind she did nothing wrong, painted herself as the misunderstood victim, and accused Amanda of twisting and manipulating everything to her advantage.
Then came the pièce de résistance – in confessional, Juliet A pulled out actual voicemails of Amanda asking her for help promoting her skincare brand. Smoking gun, darling. Case closed.
Juliet A says, ”There’s definitely not a dull moment around here”. Cue Panthea, thoroughly entertained, with a wicked grin replied, “Drama all the way.” Correct. And the way she grinned? She was living for it.
🐶 Puppuccinos & Pouted Lips
Finally, Amanda and Juliet M meet up for a chinwag at The Cavendish in Marylebone. They were accompanied by their dogs, Monty and Portia, who were treated like royalty, with a dog menu on offer, and good boy Monty lapping up his puppuccino as if he were at The Ritz. Amanda boasted that Monty had been featured in the media many times, including a feature in Hello! magazine and was soon to be featured in a book, Dogs of London. She offers Juliet M and Portia a spot in the book too. Then, after that, it all went a bit (Amaretto) sour!
The ladies ordered their cocktails – Juliet M bravely went for a spicy margarita, while Amanda nursed her Mojito with the gravitas of someone about to deliver closing arguments in court. Amanda wasted no time: shade firmly aimed at Juliet A, she declared she only deals in “truth,” before pivoting to accuse Juliet M of abandoning her at the picnic.
And with that, the picnic fallout rumbled on. Friendships in tatters, dogs better fed than most of London, and Amanda proudly crowning herself a “truth teller.”
“You chose your side, so off you go,” Amanda snapped at Juliet M, whose face said it all – pure shock.
To be continued…
– Joanne 👑
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Wonderful! Thank you! 🇬🇧👑🍵
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