The Real Housewives of London Season 1, Episode 2 – “Betrayals and Body Tapping” – An attempt at healing ends in disaster as Juliet and Panthea go head-to-head again.

After the first round of Panthea vs. Juliet fireworks last week, episode 2 picks up right where it left off—naturally, with more drama, a few glam cameos, and enough awkward silences to rival The Traitors vote-off table.

💃 Shala Almost Steals the Show

Panthea’s glamorous mum, Shala (or “Glam-ma” as she’s lovingly called), swans into the scene looking like she’s stepped straight off a Bond set. Within five minutes, she’s critiquing hair, helping in the kitchen, and sipping a drink with son-in-law Ed, who frankly deserves a medal for being the most chillest man in Mayfair. Shala admits she’s not maternal—but at least she owns it. Brutal honesty clearly runs in the family.

🦖 Nessie & the Jellicat Dinosaur

Meanwhile, Nessie is hard at work on her children’s cookbook, and yes—her children are the taste-testers and recipe-approvers. Lucky them! While she flicks through the pages at the London Book Fair, Juliet M pops up dressed like a dinosaur. Nessie’s reaction? “She looks like a Jellicat in couture.” Dead. Just dead.

Juliet M then dusts off the infamous TeethGate saga, pointing out it was six whole years ago. Six years! In Housewives time that’s practically ancient history, but Panthea’s still clinging on like a Primark bra strap in the wash. Nessie nods along politely, clearly wishing she had another dinosaur costume to hide in.

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🤵‍♂️ A Plus-One for the Weekend

Over at her chic mews house, Amanda is having a little photoshoot courtesy of her housekeeper Emma (move over, Rankin). She admits her daughters think she’s hilarious, but also confesses that post-divorce she’s missing a man around at weekends. London’s eligible bachelors, your services are required. 😉

💅 Karen Nails It

Karen and her daughters head out for a manicure, showing off how close-knit they are—“like sisters sometimes.” She gives us her fashion backstory (arriving in London in her 20s to study fashion and has never looked back), and now has new designs all created and ready to go global… just as soon as she masters the dark arts of Instagram!

👠Qigong, Choos and Chatter

Amanda, Karen, and Nessie take part in Qigong (that’s Chinese yoga to you and me), before chatting about the Panthea and Juliet M drama. Karen nervously plans a dinner party and fears a bust-up. Spoiler: her fears are justified.

Elsewhere, Juliet M heads to Jimmy Choo where she meets up with none other than Caroline Stanbury. Cue mutual shoe compliments and chat about kids and Amanda’s divorce. Caroline leaves us with the quote of the episode: “Good things come in small packages… I tell my husband!” Icon.

🍽️ Ladies Who Lunch

Nessie bravely invites Panthea out for lunch at Sabine, near St Pauls. Panthea, suspicious as ever, insists Juliet M is “fake” and full of lies. Nessie calls Panthea’s behaviour “toxic” but does throw her a bone, saying she admires her honesty. Panthea nods along but still insists she’s right. Classic.

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🥊 Dinner at Isabel – Let The Games Begin

Karen hosts the ladies at Isabel on Albemarle Street. Drinks are poured, outfits are judged, and Panthea greets Juliet M with a mwah mwah kiss… and a clenched-teeth grin that could crack glass.

Karen gives a heartfelt “let’s move on like sisters” speech. Everyone clinks their glasses with a ‘Cheers!’, but you can practically see Panthea’s eye-roll from Knightsbridge.

Dinner conversation turns to husbands, dating, and Amanda’s ex. Panthea decides to lob a grenade by bringing up the rumour that Amanda tried to make her ex adopt her daughter. Wrong move. Amanda denies it, and the silence is so heavy you could slice it with the dessert spoon. She finally calls Panthea’s behaviour “chavvy”—Housewives code for fighting talk.

Panthea then does the fakest “sorry Juliet” apology in Housewives history. Juliet M isn’t buying it, accusing Panthea of pulling a “bamboozle attack.” Nessie, bless her, finally pipes up: “No one wants to listen to this shit over and over again.” Round of applause for Nessie.

Just when you think Juliet M’s about to storm off, Karen and the other ladies convince her to sit back down, and somehow Panthea and Juliet M hug it out. A truce! Sort of. Panthea later mutters that Juliet M is “lucky it’s Iranian New Year,” or else forgiveness wouldn’t have been on the menu.

🫣 Coming Up Next…

Next week the gang head to the Cotswolds for more “sisterhood,” which, judging by the teaser, involves Panthea and Karen nearly coming to blows in the minibus. Panthea declares she’s a lady. Karen fires back, ‘Oh, so I’m not a lady?’. Panthea replies, “You’ve become a lady now, maybe!” Oh, the shade. Bring popcorn.

This episode was shorter than last week’s, but it still delivered the goods—shoes, shade, and showdowns. Roll on next week.

– Joanne 👑

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