Engaged, Enraged, and Overboard: The Valley Season 2, Episode 13 Recap.

Ok… here we go!

💍 Kristen’s Engagement Party (and Who Skipped It)

If you thought Kristen Doute’s engagement was going to bring peace to the cast of The Valley, think again. Season 2, Episode 13 proves that champagne toasts and shiny rings don’t fix deep-rooted resentment—and Kristen and Janet are serving that grudge cold, with a splash of tequila and a boatload of yelling.

We kick things off with what should have been a happy celebration—Kristen’s impromptu engagement party, organized by Zack and held right after a fishing trip. It’s picture-perfect… except for Janet, who intentionally skips the party. Kristen may have gotten a ring, but she didn’t get Janet’s approval—and honestly, she didn’t expect it. Meanwhile, Brittany seems more upset than Janet about being left out of the fishing boat proposal, throwing herself into Janet’s drama like it’s her full-time job.

Let’s get one thing straight: this engagement party wasn’t some exclusive Big Bear trip. Everyone was invited. Janet made the choice to sit this one out—and then somehow made it all about her anyway. Classic.

🧢 The Moose Knuckle Heard Around the Boat

Then there’s the matter of Luke and his moose knuckle. Yes, you read that right. During the booze cruise, Luke shows up in a captain’s costume so tight it leaves nothing to the imagination. Jesse cracks jokes, the cast blushes, and Twitter (X) explodes. Honestly, it’s the comedic relief we needed before things spiral into chaos.

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Bravo (@bravotv)

⚔️ The Boat Fight: Janet vs. Kristen (Again)

On the cruise, Kristen, Zack, and Janet attempt a heart-to-heart that quickly nosedives into chaos. Accusations fly: Kristen says Janet inserts herself into drama that’s not hers. Janet fires back, escalating an old incident with Danny and using terms that spark even more conflict. Kristen, fed up, storms off—and for a second, we thought someone might actually go overboard.

What’s so frustrating here is that both Kristen and Janet are clearly over each other. The problem isn’t really about engagement parties or rumor mills—it’s that these two women simply don’t like each other. And instead of just admitting that, they’re waging war using everyone else’s problems as ammo.

👯‍♀️ Brittany’s Loyalty Tug-of-War

Even Brittany gets caught in the crossfire, with Kristen calling her out for constantly siding with Janet. Brittany tries to play peacekeeper, but it’s obvious: she’s going to have to choose a side. And spoiler alert—it probably won’t be Kristen’s.

🧨 Jax Being Jax (Again)

Meanwhile, Jax is stirring the pot as only Jax can, leaking Kristen’s engagement news before she gets a chance to share it herself. Schwartz, in one rare moment of clarity, warns Jax not to move back in with Brittany, saying he’ll “end up in jail.” Brutal, but not wrong.

🛥️ Final Thoughts: Drama, Disloyalty & Designer Jumpsuits

From messy friendships to twisted loyalties and one very distracting jumpsuit, this episode of The Valley delivers peak Bravo. Kristen and Janet’s feud is far from over, and if this boat couldn’t hold them together, nothing will.

– Lexi 💅

Check out more by ‘MOI’ here.

Images and videos are used for editorial and commentary purposes under fair use guidelines. All rights to promotional materials belong to Bravo Media/NBCUniversal.